apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
