i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
