Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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