My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
