walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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