My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
