Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
