Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i think im in europe. pls send help
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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