I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
