i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
