I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
