she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
