i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
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i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
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She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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