I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
