I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
