i already hear my dad disowning me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
