i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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