I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
