jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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