It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
