Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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