so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
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sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
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She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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