you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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