omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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