My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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