Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
