We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
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While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
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Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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