Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize