so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
