do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
