How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
