I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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