conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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