i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
