Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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