Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
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the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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