stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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