That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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