Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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