plz talk dirty to me
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
