the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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