Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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