she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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