"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
