just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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