He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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