**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
