I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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