i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My dad is sitting where you rode me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
