she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
