its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
