I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
