hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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