when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
