Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize