Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
