I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
