Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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