if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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