I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
