I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
